Table For One, Please

At the top of my internet browser I have all of my bookmarks listed. They are as follows: FoxSports fantasy football, ShoreBank, profootballtalk.com, The Milwaukee Journal Sentinal, Amazon and finally - Apple Pie Crust recipe. Some people believe that having an Apple Pie Crust recipe bookmarked is a little unconventional effeminate metro alternative for a guy in his mid 20's. However, it's a great recipe and the crust is flaky and delicious when I eat it, and you don't find that sort of thing every day.

Where was I going with this? Oh, yeah. Don't worry ladies, the Bry-Guy still bats for the home team. *pistol fingers* Call me!

Vikings Fans = Livin' La Vida Loca

I have a girlfriend. She doesn't understand football. It doesn't make sense to her how the euphoria of a Green Bay win can be tempered by a Minnesota victory. If your team wins, that should be all that matters, right? So stop your pouting and lets go for a walk, mm kay pumpkin?

Part of being a Packers fan is hating the Vikings. And vice versa. Hence the above video, which contains bad words due to the intensity of the situation.

It's not just the Vikings that I can't stand, it's also their fans. Their cocky, no-holds-barred effort to throw dirt on you and your mom and everyone you ever cared about approach to football is infuriating. Granted, there are a few exceptions - but I'm a bitter old man so we won't be discussing them.

Of course, the typical Packers fan isn't immune from criticism. Generally speaking, we're not very cool -

Dude on the left: Aaron Rodgers is better than Favre anyway...

Come on man, that's the best you got? That's it? Those guys are standing at the other end of the bar MOCKING YOU TO YOUR FACE, and you play the Rodgers is better than Favre card? You know what would have been better? Anything. Literally anything. Such as...

"You know who else wears purple? Barney the Dinosaur. So screw you."

"Why don't you come over here and tell me what you really think?"

"Brad Childress looks like Mr. Noodle"

"Love Boat"

*pull out your cellphone* "Hey guys, L.A. is calling - aren't they still looking for a team?"

"*#*($ #? @(*#Y$$*#"

And of course, you could stick to the classic - the ol' one finger salute. If you can't remember which finger to use - just give them the thumbs up. I think they would get the point.

No, everythings fine. How are you?

Deer Run

I like to have the TV on in the mornings while I'm getting ready for the day. It keeps me from doing something crazy, like going to work early.

Anyway, due to the lack of any relevant sporting events I switched from my usual Sportscenter to VH1's video block. Much to my dismay, Miley Cyrus was the first video that they showed. The silver lining is that due to VH1, I came across the above video of a deer running through a diner mashed up with Miley's 'Party In the USA'. For some reason, neither or these things are funny on their own - but put them together and it's really entertaining.

You see, Miley is just a small town girl trying to make it big in the world. She just wants to fit in and find her way, right? I bet that deer can really relate to that.

Truly, Madly, Deeply,

Bryan

Like Butter, Ma

Don't let the picture fool you, this post is kinda depressing for everyone in America not named Ken Lewis:

The Bank of America (BAC, Fortune 500) chief executive officer said Wednesday he'll step aside at year-end after eight years at the helm. Based on the company's most recent proxy statement, he will have $53 million in pension benefits waiting for him when he leaves.

That should give him about $3.5 million a year in pension payouts for the rest of his life -- at a time when people who bought the stock when he took the reins in 2001 are underwater on their investments.

It must be nice being a CEO, where after only eight hard years of sitting in a fancy office smoking expensive cigars while your twentysomething secretary/girlfriend on the side brings you scotch 3 times a day work earns you 53 big ones.

If you were curious at all, my Bank of America stock dropped 4.2% today and has been on a steady decline for the past 3 weeks. At this rate, I'd be lucky to get a job cleaning the barnacles off of his big fancy yacht.

At least that dog looks tasty, no?

Truly, Madly, Deeply,

Bryan

Lets Be 'Tools', Mmm K?

Application for becoming a children's television host 1972:

Name: ***** * *******

Birthday: **/**/****

Number of times you've smoked weed in the past 12 hours: **

Application for becoming a children's television host 2009:

Name:*** ***** ****

Birthday: **/**/****

Number of states where you're a registered sex offender: **

So if this guy's theology is correct God paid the price for my sins with donuts? Or was it pearls?  Or is it that God uses donuts for money?  It's so hard to find the true meaning in all this.  

It's kinda hard to tell, but I think the main 'tool' is Ted Haggard.  

Truly, Madly, Deeply,

Bryan

Dear Brett

Come on, man... knock it off...

Truly, Madly, Deeply,

Bryan

Thanks to jsonline.com/packers

It's Actually About Me Playing The Piano

There's a magic three year window between the ages of 12 and 15 where we are treated to what Parry Gripp so eloquently refers to as a time when a youthful female can simply be a "Young Girl, Talking About Herself".  It's a really catchy tune, as all Parry Gripp videos are.  I recommend his other videos like "Chimpanzee Riding on a Segway", or "Shopping Penguin" or "Cat Flushing a Toilet".  Anyway, I digress.

Kids sure have changed since I was one of them.  When I was younger people had these things called diaries.  They would write down their thoughts and feelings into this little book, and then keep said book in a safe place where no one could find it.  Nowadays, all of that stuff ends up on the internet where everyone can see it.  

Here's a pretend conversation that I made up between me and Creeper Chris.  

Me: So, what do you think about these videos online?
Creeper Chris:  This is a beautiful day.  Only in America!

I also like to pretend that Creeper Chris gives me a Nestle Crunch bar before I leave.  He always has the best candy!

Truly, Madly, Deeply,

Bryan